Autism: Can your tone be effecting your child, even a happy tone?

First of all, as a parent having a child with autism, you will have to admit that we are continuously learning or this article is not meant for you.

 I would be lying to say that I have it all under control and downright in denial. Autism is complex and is always presenting new situations and challenges; therefore we build daily on new skills and use these skills to teach our children the best we know how, right?

What if our best is not the best? There is certainly no need to come down hard on ourselves considering we did our best! That is the answer I choose for I believe I am a really awesome mom but just in the last week I had a serious learning curve on a path where I thought I was doing it right.

Up until five days ago I really didn’t know what to do next, I was to the point I had to talk to someone but where would I start? My ego stepped in and I didn’t want to present that I am failing as a mother so I kept quiet and kept on with the “Everything’s fine” attitude. It was everything but fine and it took a good friend to call me on it. I was able to honestly admit to my friend Patricia McLean that I was losing control and didn’t know what step to take next.

Patricia has worked with autistic children for years and is presently working for a group home taking care of older men with disabilities. She gently yet directly opened up and told me what she had observed between Michael and I when she had visited.

I am a bubbly person by nature and use emphasis in my words. Patricia had learned during one of her classes in the past that children with Autism hear the tone, not the words. Also they can only process very few words so try and stay within 10 words; when saying them, say them in a monotone voice and do not say the child’s name because it is associated with happiness during their early years as a baby and toddler.

This made sense to me and it meant I was going to have to learn as well. I did hear one time that if you want to change your children you have to change yourself.

Here are a few examples of what happened:

Troy, my best friend and like a father to Michael went over to Michael seeing it was bedtime and said “Michael, it’s time for bed now, turn of the computer now okay?!!!

No results

Troy repeated it and again no results

I said, “Hey, it’s time for bed” where normally I would be stern considering he wasn’t listening and give him a demand. I was blown away, it worked!! Michael said “Yea, it is time for bed right mommy?”

Another example was where I normally tell Michael to go to the potty and then tell him why and so on…. This time I said, “Hey, its potty time”… Michael got up and went right away…while sitting there he said, “You must be bored or something”. This showed me he noticed the tone was gone from my voice and more importantly he heard what I said.

Michael has a habit of asking the same question over and over, it could be over a hundred times a day...Now when he asked I say in monotone voice… “You know the answer.” Michael is now asking fewer questions.

We don’t have to be robots, that is not what Patricia nor myself is trying to convey but only when you want your child to learn or obey a command, otherwise be as silly as you want!!!

To summarize this I would have to say that it is quite ironic how I was exhausted by emotion and it happened to be that very emotion that stimulated Michael and made him act out more and talk more… the house has been much more peaceful and I am very grateful. It’s great to have friends.

Visit my website for more information on Autism

 

www.autismbetween2worlds.com

I would really appreciate if you could share my website with just one person, lets spread autism awareness
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